MELISSA ANDERSEN

EDUCATOR. GARDENER. FOREST BATHER.

MEET MELISSA ANDERSEN

Melissa Andersen’s world was upended the day after the Covid-19 pandemic shut down the world. Though scans that day indicated that the painful lump under her right breast might be breast cancer, Melissa, then 41, could not believe it was possible. Two days later, her fears became a terrifying reality when she learned that she had aggressive stage 2, HER2+ breast cancer and would have to undergo chemotherapy. Melissa seemed to experience every side effect during treatment, including a sensitivity to her husband’s scent. And because she was immunocompromised early in the pandemic before face coverings and testing were available, Melissa was forced to isolate completely. A bilateral mastectomy in September 2020 resulted in painful complications that required another surgery. Today, Melissa is healing both physically and mentally, while learning to accept the changes to her body. She is tending to the grief she experienced because of cancer through Somatic Experiencing and Trauma-Informed Yoga, and is still in physical therapy to build strength and body awareness.

A former Social Studies and Language Arts teacher, Melissa is currently Education Director of AMAZEworks, a non-profit, and devotes her time to helping educators to hone their Anti-Bias mindset.  Born and raised in Ashland, Wisconsin, Melissa now lives in St. Paul, Minnesota with her husband of 20 years, Daren, and their dog, Barley.

WHAT IS THE SECRET TO MAINTAINING A POSITIVE OUTLOOK?

For me, maintaining a positive outlook comes from knowing that, even though things can be hard and painful, we can also experience joy. I’ve learned how to live this juxtaposition during the last couple of years. Going through breast cancer during a global pandemic forced me to tap into my resilience in new ways, and to keep the pockets of joy at the forefront of my mind, to remain hopeful when things are painful.

Another thing that helps me maintain a positive outlook is to spend time in the forest. I love the quiet and cool shade, and the security of being surrounded by tall trees. The Japanese call this “forest bathing”. It is where I feel at peace, and where I recharge when I need to shift my outlook. When I can’t get to the forest, my garden provides a similar refuge. As I’ve continued to heal and transform, the garden has become a metaphor for tending to myself (body and soul).

WHAT IS THE MOST DIFFICULT DECISION YOU’VE HAD TO MAKE TO PURSUE YOUR DESTINY?

I’m not completely sure of my “destiny.” I want to help others in a way that makes them feel belonging, but pouring all my energy and focus into my career is not worth the cost to my relationships, health, and well-being. Leaving the classroom, something that defined so much of who I am, was probably the most difficult decision I have ever made. I grieved the loss of students, co-workers, and the rhythm of school life. Even so, I think it was the best decision for me; there’s no way I would’ve been able to teach while going through treatment all in the midst of a global pandemic. I still miss aspects of teaching every day, and it hits me hardest during the back-to-school time. Even so, I recognize that I’m able to do other things and do them well. I have other valuable skills, even if I don’t fully know where they’ll take me yet.

WHAT IS THE BEST LIFE LESSON THAT TOOK YOU THE LONGEST TO LEARN?

I am enough just by being myself.

Sometimes, I can’t believe it took me so long to realize this, as it’s something I worked hard to instill in the young people I’ve worked with. When going through treatment and recovery, I was forced to put aside all that I thought I needed to be and focus on myself. Through this I learned that if I show up authentically, people will still love me.

BREAST CANCER RELATED

WHAT IS THE MOST POSITIVE THING TO COME OUT OF YOUR BREAST CANCER JOURNEY?

I’ve realized that I need to take care of myself. I cannot afford to cut corners when it comes to self-care, and it has become a priority. This commitment has boosted my confidence, given me more energy, and helped me to see what I could let go of.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU WERE FIRST DIAGNOSED?

The number one thing I would stress would be to reach out for emotional support sooner. I was halfway through chemo before I found a support group, and by then, I was a mess. I had let my anxiety get out of hand, and I did not place enough importance on mental health and wellness.

I am grateful for my cancer support group - the several women I met weekly with via Zoom for nearly two years. They know more about me and my journey than most of my friends and family, and they understand it in a way that others just don’t. Each week, I had permission to cry, complain, and help lift them up. For anyone newly diagnosed, my advice is to not wait. As you’re picking an oncologist, identify your mental health support as well.

BIG PICTURE

WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE?

I believe our purpose is in our connection and our relationships with each other. That doesn’t mean we put energy into relationships that do not serve us; it means fostering the relationships that matter while remaining open to new ones. It means expanding empathy, and being authentic and vulnerable. It’s tricky, because self-care and self-love are equally important, and we need both to connect with others. I’m working on being my most authentic self in hopes of authentic connection with others. For me, that’s what’s worth living for.

WHAT IS THE SONG, BOOK OR MOVIE THAT WOULD BE YOUR LIFE’S THEME OR ANTHEM?

My college years were complicated: I was the first person in my family to go to college, but I wasn’t prepared, and I felt alone. During that time, I met my husband and discovered a lot about myself, including a love of poetry and music. I fell in love with the Indigo Girls’ song “Closer to Fine.” Every verse rings true to my coming-of-age experience, and I swear it was written for me.

During my cancer treatments, a friend who was going through his own cancer journey, suggested that I pick a cancer fight song. I didn’t want it to be “Closer to Fine” and for that song to become a reminder of cancer. While resting after my mastectomies, I streamed music and heard the song “This is Me”, performed by Keala Settle for the movie The Greatest Showman. I had heard it before, but this time I cried. I saw myself in the mirror and I hardly recognized myself - bald, pale, weak, and bound from surgery. “This is me,” I thought, and I knew I’d found my song.

At that time, I realized that I would always carry the scars of my breast cancer journey, and that I would have to accept that it had forever changed me. I wanted to find a way to move forward and be stronger because of it.

WHAT IS THE BEST PIECE OF ADVICE THAT YOU EVER RECEIVED?

A number of years ago, after a hard day at school, a friend and colleague leaned forward in her chair, looked me in the eye and said, “Remember, we can do hard things.” At that moment, I latched onto those words. I could see she understood my frustration and had empathy for me, but she also saw my resilience. I appreciated this, and I saw it as a sign of her respect for my intelligence, decision-making abilities, and compassion for others.

Whenever I am going through something tough, I picture myself in that moment, and my friend’s kind eyes and gentle voice reassuring me that I can do hard things. It has helped me get through some of the worst days of my cancer journey, and I am forever grateful for it.

IF YOU HAD TO CREATE A SLOGAN FOR OUR LIFE WHAT WOULD IT BE?

During my cancer treatment, a dear friend gave me a book by the poet, Stanley Kunitz. One of his poems, “The Layers”, stresses the importance of recognizing our past as a place to learn, grow, and transform from. It includes the line: “Live in the layers, not in the litter.” I’m trying to live in the layers (the deep lessons the past has to offer) and let go of the litter (the pieces that do not serve me).